Jim Dunn was a man unknowingly on the verge of implosion. Not a metaphorical affliction like saying that he was going to have a meltdown where nothing would actually melt. He was literally going to fold into himself and he would simply cease to be there.
He had just handed his last two dollars to the drive-thru attendant in exchange for a delicious cherry shake that was surely going to cool him. The day was hot and thick. It was the hot air that you almost have to swim through. Each breath became a labor.
His change was calculated and given, the shake was poured and a straw was fetched from a long cardboard box marked Krupps. The shake was finally ready.
A pain began in Jim's abdomen and quickly ran down to his lap. It felt at first as though he had to crap a basketball. He attempted to break wind but there was no relief. In fact quite to the contrary of relief an 18-inch section of his intestine crawled out from his rectum and squished between him and the seat of his car.
He wondered briefly if he had crapped his pants and gave the obligatory 'oh god did I just crap my pants lean' rocking slightly forward. He indeed felt something wet but he also felt a pain he had never felt before. It felt as though someone had stripped all the fur and flesh off of his tail. This was a rather confusing sensation.
He had a million flashbacks to primitive primate ancestors swinging happily from trees. He almost smiled. There is something about a burning pain 18 inches outside of your ass that keeps a man from smiling.
One arm was outstretched reaching for a shake and as the cup brushed against his upturned palm his other hand was undoing the clasp of his safety belt. Cherry shake exploded with a violent eruption as it hit the asphalt outside of Jim's car. He had fumbled the cup. He was now undoing his belt with his right hand and opening his card door with his left hand. He simultaneously steered his car with his chin while slowly letting off of his brake. It was truly a cacophony of movements.
As he reached a free area he sprung from his vehicle. It continued to roll away with out it' master. Such freedom. If it had any sentience it would have been elated if not a tiny bit terrified of the millions of possibilities that were available to a sentient masterless car.
Meanwhile Jim had dropped his pants and while emitting indiscernible screams was attempting to push his new tail back into his ass. He looked as if he was being raped by an invisible entity with a balloon animal for a penis. The slippery tube was difficult to grip and very sensitive to the touch. In fact Jim was rivaling his car in the way of the lack of sentient thought. He fumbled with his arms stretched behind him. Leaning slightly backwards, and with knees slightly bent, Jim finally got a hold of the escapee. One thousandth of his panic subsided. He was able to wonder how he ever shit at all through a tube so sensitive. As he spun his wrist he managed to coil a few inches of the tail around his hand. He firmly pushed on his outstretched conical asshole. The tube began to disappear into him.
As the end of his tail began to slide slowly back in there was a sound like tin cans being crushed. Finally Jim managed to force his innards in and began to feel less hollow. Sadly his insides, though decidedly less hollow, felt as if they were on fire. His hand was still firmly pressed against his orifice. Ninety percent of the effort was to contain himself out of fear that he might fall out again, and on tenth was out of the horror and embarrassment.
He felt his hand moving in as if he had fallen and landed hand first in a pile of soft clay. By the time he could make sense of the moment his arm was a third of the way up his ass and quite uncomfortably twisted. He hadn't even had a chance to stop screaming from his last predicament.
Doubtlessly, the drive through attendant was equally stupefied. This sort of thing did not happen ever let alone in front of her. She was new and had seen many firsts that day. But she doubted that this had ever happened before. She would later pray that it would never happen again, specifically to her.
Jim was now lying on the ground in a contorted L shape. His shoulder blade somehow wedged between his ass cheeks. He simply could not fight the suction. Then in an instant with a wet popping sound he was gone. There was no trace of the man named Jim Dunn. Save for a pair of pants lying in the parking lot behind a derelict vehicle. The scent of ass and cherry shake was lingering in the air.
Elsewhere Jim did not know it yet, but he was in another place, an older place. He didn't know this because he had lost many of his cognizant senses. He could not see anything. He could hardly hear muffled noises. He could not smell and he dared not taste.
Surprisingly anyone who has had the rare if not unique experience of disappearing up their own ass rarely want to taste their new surroundings. This might be considered by some to be a brilliant stroke of genius man's evolution. To most people it is just icky.
Outside, in the real world, life went on. A car was idling in the middle of the street as if trying to grasp the moment and realize sentience in order to get its freedom. A fast food attendant was standing at her window; slack jawed and ignoring the slew of cars full of sentient drivers who are more than ready to order. And of course on the ground below there laid the cherry shake, content and relaxed. Its demise had been avoided yet again. It thought smugly about how everything had gone according to plan. It was true that they would never catch up with that clever shake.